Lord Smiffington
Lord Smiffington is an Immortal, Cunt, Half-Prophet of Trees and the Insane. Lord Smiffinton is a founding member of the United Atheists Of Awesome. He is also a well known Hamster Assassin But quit after accadently killing his own.(twice) Despite being Immortal Lord Smiffingtons life was taken by fire aids after he went insane oneday and broke out of his holding cell in The Badgering Sett where he then raped alot of homless pimps, witchs, thieves and bitches where he developed Fire aids, he is the only member of the U.A.A to ever die and not come back. Until of course, he did come back, somehow, I think....honestly we aren't really sure how that happened, but he's back.....apparently. His life goal consists of seeing A luscious boob from every country on earth ( except France), The other Prophets do not share this Goal but respect his wishes to achieve it. History/ Early life Lord Smiffington (born Cuntor Sshitstain) Growing up in a dirty hellhole known only as Scumbernauld . Connor was forced to interact with the native Neds (aka fucktards). After interacting with these Ned beings he realized he had a special power that not even the two Prophets had between them, because it was an utterly useless power he could grow his toe nails very fast, this was his party trick when he was at a gay party or whatever At this time he was unknown to the prophets because he was a dickbag but was in a cooking class with one of them, where they formed a strange relationship of sorts by not going to glass and sitting in the toy isle of supermarkets and annoying people in other classes. Never would he have imagined his power would be usefull to The Prophets. Friendhips with Odin During a cooking class with Connor, a strange boy named Scot and guy who claimed to be a toaster, Odin and Connor grew a friendship of sorts. Ovver the years their friendship grew larger and larger and when the cooking class had finished they enrolled to do it again, they then found it it was boring and stoped showing up. From being around Connor regularly Odin realised that Connor had the ability to blend in with the Neds and other creatures of a stupid nature, A power that not even he or Fëanor had, an ability which could come in very useful to them and their cause. Odin called a meeting of the Gods about Smiffington, at the meeting where Odin, Feanor, Dusty and a mushroom being known as a Qualagax, Odin informed them all of Connor and his power and they agreed to keep watch over him encase time came where he was needed. After the great Prophet decide there came a time where Connor powers may be needed, Odin and Fëanor recruited him and made him a Half Prophet with no powers, They then thought that trees are pretty useless and gave him the power of over a few trees, hence the name "Half prophet of trees". After becoming a Half Prophet, Connor was dubbed Smiffington and told all about the history of Lampology, Earth, the ned infestation and why potatoes are evil awesome. Odin bestowed some of his infinite power onto him and Fëanor gave some extra life. This however was shown to be a bad idea, with the power from Odin he set his house of fire 3 times and because of Feanor he wouldn't die, Odin then took all the power away and then gave him a magic stick that if need be can turn into a Shovel to hit neds or zombie cats with. Imprisonment in the Badgering Sett When Smiffington was attempting to infiltrate the military for The Higher Prophets Odin and Feanor, they decided it would be funny to let a Xenomorph run rampant through Glasgow City, Not the glasgow in Scotland or even on Earth, the Glasgow on a small planet named bobltron 6(it is a well known fact that every plan, dimension and realm have a city, place, country, hemisphere or children's soft play area named Glasgow.). After they released the creature they realized it had eaten several small children and knocked down 2 buildings. While capturing this Xenomorph Odin and Feanor accidently blew up three planets (only one supported life but they where all on vacation anyways) and 1 whole universe composed entirely of people who all sounded like they had a piss soaked rag in their mouth when they spoke. After the destruction of the 3rd planet The Authorities of the planet had arrived. At the same time the Authorities arrived so did Smiffington due to a note they left on his forehead while he was sleeping telling him where we where. The punishment was to be sent to the realm of "The Badgering Sett" a world where nothing made any sense (and by nothing we mean nothing, every time you spoke in this world it sounded like a Kangaroo being eaten by a Goldfish and if you tried to look at something it would instantly disappear and replace itself with a blue skinned midget with pointlessly long legs holding a briefcase who would not stop asking you how your day was. Odin and Feanor did not like the sound of this so they blamed it on Smiffington who had no idea what the fuck was going on and decided to leave it at that.